Are you worried about how to have a healthy financial conversation with your spouse? Does talking about money with your significant other lead to arguments and fights?

You’re not alone. Money is one of the leading causes of stress in relationships. Obviously, it can be tough to talk about finances openly and honestly. And, if you have kids, the financial conversations can become even more complicated. But it’s important to do so if you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your partner and achieve your joint financial goals.

In this MoneyTalk, we will talk about some of the ways you can have healthy financial conversations with your spouse or partner.

But, let’s first talk why it is important to have healthy financial conversations with your significant other: 

●      Talking about money can help reduce financial stress and improve communication in your relationship

●      Discussing financial goals and plans can help you both work towards a more secure future together

●      Knowing where each other stands financially can help avoid arguments about money

●      Being on the same page with your finances can help you reach your financial goals quicker

●      Financial conversations can help build trust in a relationship

●      Money conversations can help identify any differences in financial values or philosophies

●      Talking about money can help prevent financial infidelity

●      Having regular financial discussions can help keep your relationship strong and healthy

While it’s important to have regular financial conversations with your spouse, it’s not always easy to discuss the topic as money is a very sensitive and emotional subject for many people. Let’s look at some of the approaches you can take to have effective financial conversations with your partner:

1. Schedule some time each month to talk about money

One of the best ways to ensure that you and your spouse are on the same page financially is to schedule some time each month to discuss money. This dedicated time will give you both an opportunity to share your thoughts and goals and come up with a plan for how you can work together to achieve your financial goals. If you have kids, you should then schedule this time when kids are gone to bed or are at school so that your conversations will not be interrupted by them.

2. Write down your thoughts or goals before the discussion

Before you have your financial conversation, it will be helpful to write down your thoughts or goals so that you can be clear and concise when bringing them up. You can create a list of topics that you want to discuss. Any and every money-related topic which is important for you should be on your list. Being transparent and honest is important and this agenda will help to keep the discussion focused and on track.

3. Avoid accusatory language

It’s important to avoid using accusatory language when talking about money with your spouse. For example, rather than saying, “you need to save more money,” try “i want to work on saving more money together.” this will help to keep the conversation positive and productive. Moreover, when you start accusing your partner, for example about spending more money than budgeted or splurging on something that you had not approved of, your partner may become defensive about his behavior. The last thing you want is to have an argument or a fight which will definitely derail the agenda of your meeting.

4. Respect each other’s opinions and be willing to compromise

During your financial conversation, it’s important to respect each other’s opinions and be willing to compromise. This will help you both feel heard and respected and allow you to come to an agreement that works for you. Just as in every aspect of life, having great respect for your partner is key to a healthy relationship, even when it comes to matters concerning money, respect is the key to achieving your financial goals together. And, not just respecting but following and implementing what you have both agreed upon about money will ensure that this is not a mere meeting but a means to achieve committed progress.

5. Seek professional help

If you’re having difficulty communicating about money or reaching financial goals with your partner, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A financial therapist or counselor can help you learn how to communicate about money healthily and productively. Many couples even take the services of financial coaches to help navigate the complexities of money management. There should be no shame in taking professional help and when it comes to a sensitive subject such as money, getting help from a professional may even save your relationship with your partner.

6. Keep the lines of communication open

One of the most important things you can do to have healthy financial conversations with your spouse is to keep the lines of communication open. This means being honest about your thoughts and feelings and being willing to listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings. In these communications, it is very important to be transparent about money. When you’re both aware of your income, debts, and expenses, it can help reduce arguments about money and make it easier to work towards your financial goals.

7. Don’t let salary differences come between you

Couples often have different salaries, leading to money fights if not addressed early on as many times earning more also leads to having more ego. You need to keep in mind that just because one partner makes more money does not mean that he has the right to spend more money. Your relationship is an equal partnership regardless of who brings how much money. Even though it is essential to figure out how much each person is bringing in so that you can plan accordingly, if you truly want to have a successful relationship with your partner, you should not let the higher earner dictate the terms of spending.  

8. Don’t try to score points

Some couples feel the need to one-up each other when it comes to their finances. For example, if one person gets a raise, the other may also feel the need to get a raise. This can lead to financial insecurity and resentment. Instead of trying to score points, focus on working together as a team to achieve your financial goals. If you encourage each other to be successful in your respective careers, you both would continue to get promotions and bonuses, and the combined household income will continue to grow.  

9. Respect each other’s intelligence

When it comes to financial conversations, respect is key. Just because one person may not be as well-versed in investments or credit scores doesn’t mean their opinion isn’t valid. What may seem like a small mistake for you could be a huge deal to your partner. Avoid belittling each other and show that you truly value what the other says. And, most importantly, focus on getting educated and becoming aware of personal finances and money management. If you feel that either one of you is not financially smart, you should both attend some joint money management or coaching programs to get on the same page about money and finances.

Let’s summarize what we have discussed in this MoneyTalk:

We first discussed the importance of having healthy financial conversations with your significant other. We then discussed 9 key things you should do to have healthy and effective financial conversations with your partner:

1.     Schedule some time each month to talk about money

2.     Write down your thoughts or goals before the discussion

3.     Avoid accusatory language

4.     Respect each other’s opinions and be willing to compromise

5.     Seek professional help

6.     Keep the lines of communication open

7.     Don’t let salary differences come between you

8.     Don’t try to score points

9.     Respect each other’s intelligence

Financial conversations, in general, can be difficult, but they are essential for couples who want to financially stay on the same page. As we discussed earlier, when it comes to having healthy financial conversations with your spouse, it’s important to be respectful, open-minded, and willing to compromise. The tips that we have shared will help you have a productive and positive money conversation with your spouse and will help ensure that you and your spouse are on the same page financially so that you can reach your financial goals together while building a strong foundation for your future together.